Adding Value to build Comfort: August 26, 2007

When speaking to anyone new one of the key facts to consider is whether you are going to add value to them or take value from them. People are subconsciously aware of many factors relating to their interactions with others. If a homeless person were to initiate a conversation with you, you may instantly recoil from it without giving them time to speak. This is because you have a fear that they are likely to take value from you, either by asking for money or purely by association. If that homeless person were to suddenly begin the conversation by explaining that they were actually a secret spy in disguise, you would be much more likely to give them the time of day.

This is due to the fact that your perception of their value has changed; suddenly they are offering more to the interaction and giving you a cause to listen further. There are a number of ways to add value. The easiest is to quickly move the conversation onto an interesting topic right after the initial introduction. If you can't think of an interesting topic of conversation just remember that people love talking about themselves.

A WORD OF WARNING! -

Although people may enjoy talking about themselves, they seldom enjoy spilling out standard conversation about what they do for a living or how many sisters they have. This is simple conversation they have about 100 times a day as they meet new people. People prefer to talk about aims, ambitions and their joys in life. Deep questions about topics beyond the mundane are likely to yield much stronger results than basic conversation about their day-to-day drudgery.

Obviously there are a number of ways to add value and this isn't the only way to begin a conversation. If you have enough value already then the act of opening can often be the added value, as in a social proof situation. This is where it is apparent to everyone that you have the value so being in the conversation is the added value. This is a key element in direct game. The value may be from your aesthetics, social proof, or another element, but with that in place adding value is a piece of cake.

When you have the initial comfort the rest is easier.

Spot the guy who's writing far too much at the moment.

AFC AdamLondon