An approach to approach anxiety: October 10, 2007

Heya Guys, I wrote this up too late to use on anything I've been working on and wasn't sure what to do with it. I just found it on my computer and thought I'd post it up. Are you afraid of approaching someone you like through a fear of rejection? Do you get that horrible feeling in your stomach and begin to formulate a hundred reasons why they wouldn't want to talk to you?

This is a lot more common than you would believe. There are a number of different products out there that will supposedly "fix" the fear of approaching strangers especially ones you are attracted to. However, few of them take the time to understand why we have that fear in the first place. If you understand why you have this fear or anxiety you can take steps to counter it.

This is probably the biggest topic when it comes to understanding attraction. Well that is to say it is the one that most people have the biggest problem with. I constantly receive the same comments time and time again when it comes to this subject.

1) I'm scared of approaching.

2) I have a fear of rejection.

3) They aren't in the mood to be spoken to.

4) She won't think I look good enough.

5) I can't meet people in a park/cinema/night club.

6) I'm not good enough for him/her.

7) There's no point, it won't work.

These are probably the most common reasons I am given as to why someone can't approach, or the feeling that is preventing them from approaching. The fact that these are so prevalent is because they are all based on very real psychological factors to do with learning and behaviour.

Anxiety, as defined by Seligman, Walker and Rosenhan (2001), is a physiological state characterized by cognitive, somatic, emotional, and behavioural components. These factors essentially make up the feelings that we experience as fear, apprehension, and worry.

There are some physical sensations that you will probably be aware of such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, sweaty palms, shaking and perhaps headaches. These may be common to you. Some people will disguise these by making a decision not to approach, this will relieve the sensations and instead leave a sort of "numbness" to the situation.