Un-Secret: October 16, 2007

I was teaching a student today and something clicked. Something big. We were talking about opening sets and I suggested going into HMV to talk to girls about the DVDs they were buying just to get practice talking. He then said something which I've heard many times before.

"I'm not interested in the DVDs they're looking at though"

Then it hit me. I am.

The difference between me and this guy was that I am genuinely interested in other people. The DVDs they buy, the clothes they want, making fun of them, making them laugh.

These are all things that interest me. I have no problem approaching because my fear of approach is less than my desire to interact with someone.

My students fear is higher than his desire to interact with the girls, purely because he has little desire to actually talk to this girl. Yes, he wants to fuck her, but no he doesn't want to interact with her.

Think about it. Would you want to spend anytime whatsoever with someone who showed no interest in you?

I tested it further. I asked him if he would rather go to HMV and talk to girls about DVDs or play video games in doors.

Guess what his answer was. He really did favour the latter.

Though he felt he "should" speak to the girl as he does want to improve.

In his own words he felt sarging was akin to doing coursework.

It was something he "had" to do. The problem is that when viewed like that you will get bad results. You'll be stuck in the game forever, never improving and wondering why.

In many ways it's the secret in reverse. If you don't want it, you wont get it. So I probed further.

AFC AdamLondon: Have you ever enjoyed sarging? Was there any time where it was fun?

Student: Yeah one time I went to some night club where people swap clothes for fun. Swaperama I believe it's called.

At this point I realised we could use that to duplicate the situation to make it as fun as possible.

We headed to Topshop. Warning: Routines below.

I told him to hold a dress up from the counter and ask, "Is this dress my colour?" Still he wouldn't open.

I asked him if he wanted to do it. Again, when we probed it came clear he didn't "want" to. He had fear but his desire was missing as well. The prospect of meeting new girls wasn't his true desire.

Then I remembered my first set ever. I was standing in Leicester Square with Catnap. We were to play kiss bandit which is where you run in front of a girl and tell her she can't pass till she kisses you. Of course this didn't work. Of course it was nuts. Yes, I looked like a dope. But I ran out to do it, to prove to myself that I could because I wanted to get better with girls.

It seemed crazy and pointless, but actually it wasn't. It made me confront my fear. It made me weigh up two factors. Fear vs Desire.

The one you want more is the one that will happen. My question to you is....

Do you really want to get good at this?

AFC AdamLondon

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! Then once again I found myself going to visit the girl in Dallas.