Zen and the art of making love
For all you guys that flipped to this section first, get back to chapter one. You have to earn admittance to this chapter. It's easy to sit and think about sex, but that time will be better spent if you're already seeing a woman that's attracted to you.
Ok, those guys are gone, now we can talk.
We're not going to get into explicit detailed instructions here. I'm guessing you understand the basic mechanics behind sex. Rather, we're going to sketch out some broader ideas that will improve whatever it is you're doing with that wonderful woman.
Focus on her
Remember how your conversational skills improved when you started listening to her instead of the babbling voice in your own head? Same principal applies here. If you focus on her enjoyment, it will be a better experience for both of you. That means you don't finish before she does. And until she does, your focus should be on getting her there. Notice what she likes and what she doesn't. Every woman is different. Don't expect her to like the same things your last girlfriend did. When in doubt, you can even ask her, "do you like this?" Yes, that is actually allowed. Just don't do it every five seconds. Usually you can tell by her reaction what she likes.
Make sex a meditation. Don't get lost in your own mind, focus on the feelings and sensations that are happening in each moment. Really get into what you taste, touch, hear, smell, and see. Let it all happen and flow. Try to relax, and try to help her relax.
Don't rush her. Let her set the pace. Don't make her feel like you are waiting for her to finish.
Enjoy everything about her. Enjoy making her happy.
Then you'll both be happy.
Talking about ... urn ... you know
If you talk with her about sex, don't joke around about it in a silly way. That makes her think you're not comfortable with the subject, and that's not the impression you want to get across. You should be comfortable talking with her about sex, and if you aren't, then fake it. Gender equality is a great thing, but when it comes to sex, men are still generally dominant.
Many women will expect you to make all the moves. If you got into an airplane and the pilot was joking about crashing on take off, you might want to turn right around and get off the plane. That's why every pilot on every flight you've ever been on has the exact same breezy "been there done that no big deal" sound in his or her voice. If the passengers feel like the pilot knows what he's doing, they will relax and have a better flight.
So you don't have to be deathly serious, but you do have to seem comfortable with the subject. If you ask her to tell you her fantasy, and she does, that's not a good time to turn it into a joke. It is a good time to use those listening and relating skills you've built up.