We need to make a conscious choice to improve: August 26, 2007

Just look back over the previous time periods and you will see that media images of what is perceived as attractive has changed dramatically over the last 50 years. It has gone from stick thin to voluptuous, lean to muscular. The fact is that what is seen as physically attractive depends on current trends and varies far too often to be a key trigger in finding someone to have a relationship with.

This is an example of comfort being reached straight away through propinquity as others are more willing to accept the potential partner based on their style or looks which match current social or media trends

Have humans always had a problem with this? The answer isn't so clear, however it's probably fair to assume that with our more hectic lifestyles and focus on material gain and work we have lost track of the correct way to attract a mate. Many people try to bribe others into a relationship with presents and promise of an even more materialistic lifestyle. Many of us have had some form of heartache in the past or situation that has caused us to fear either approaching someone we like, forming a relationship, or getting trapped in a cycle of being used by others. These issues cause us to view relationships differently and can get us caught in a repetitive cycle that is hard to break out of.

There is a reason we can be so general about these cycles yet know it applies to so many people reading this. That is because of the nature of learning in relationships. If you touched a fire you would burn your hand, thus a valuable lesson is learnt.

Touching fire equals pain. Relationships aren't so easy. Most of us are kind enough to not want to hurt others feelings so when someone does something wrong we won't always tell them what went wrong straight away. This way we believe we are protecting them from pain. Unfortunately all we are doing is removing the cause and effect line that would cause someone to learn from their mistake and be able to rectify it. Thus we end up repeating the same mistake over and over again.

Imagine touching a fire only to feel the pain two weeks later.

Chances are we would forget the original reason for the pain and instead make an association between the pain and something else. So what we need is an outside intervention to break the cycle; a way to take a look at our situation and add external information.

This is why the game works.

AFC AdamLondon