Keeping the ball rolling
Things are going better than you ever imagined. Not only are you comfortable approaching beautiful women and talking to them, you are finding all your social interactions are easier and more enjoyable. You’re becoming one of those social people you always half admired and half hated. You are connecting with people in a way you didn’t know was possible. When you get invited to a social event, instead of dreading it you look forward to it. One more chance to practice your amazing new skills. So now what?
Let’s stay focused and keep improving. I’ll assume at this point you’ve met at least one woman that you really clicked with and have plans to get together with her. The old you would have been calling her every second to make sure the plan is still on. The new you realizes that even if the plan falls apart, that’s ok, because you are meeting interesting women all the time.
You’ve gone from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset, and it shows in your confidence.
Still, it would be nice if you followed through on your plans and got together. So lets look at some tips for keeping the ball rolling. At this point, you’re going to continue everything you’ve learned till now, but there are some special situations we need to address.
Talking on the phone
You have plans to get together, and you have her number. The day before your next meeting, you call her up. There are two possibilities, either she answers or you have to leave a message. If you leave a message, you could say something like, “Hi (her name), this is (your name), I’m looking forward to getting together tomorrow at (wherever you’re going to meet). I’ll see you there.” That’s it. If she needs to cancel she’s got your number on caller ID, but don’t mention that. You don’t want to give her the idea you want her to cancel If she answers the phone, great. Don’t expect to be back in the vibe immediately. You might have to open all over again, but it will be easier this time since you’ve already built up rapport. Don’t talk too long, but try to end on a high, like right after she laughs at something funny you said. Stay relaxed and just chitchat, then say you’re looking forward to seeing her tomorrow.
Like I said, this is much easier than the original approach. You already know a little bit about her, and can think of things to talk about more easily. Stay calm and confident and the phone call will go fine. If you already have concrete plans, you can skip this step. But if that means you’ll be even more panicky the next day waiting for her to arrive, then make the call.
Flirting through email and texting
If you have her email address you can send her an email if you have her cell phone number, you could text her. Either way, I would approach it the same way as the phone call until the first meeting. Keep it light and breezy.
But after the first meeting, you can use email and texting as a great way to flirt with her between phone calls and meetings. There is a different dynamic to email and text messages, it feels more anonymous, so you can get away with a more flirty tone. Ease into it and see if she responds. If not, back off and continue with the light and breezy approach. But if she does, this is a great way to get into some very sexual topics in a fun and non-threatening way. Just don’t expect her to be the same way on the phone or in person. Think of each medium as a way of exploring a different side of her personality.
The next meeting
So it’s finally the day you planned to get together. By the way, you’ve probably noticed I don’t call it a date.
You shouldn’t either. The word “date” is too loaded with luggage and negative connotations for so many people. Just hearing the word can raise your blood pressure. You are not going on a date. You are getting together. You are meeting. No big deal. It’s what humans do.
So anyway, it’s the day of your get together.
Let’s say you’re meeting for dinner. Hopefully you picked someplace low key, comfortable and fun, not stuffy, intimidating, and expensive. You get there on time and she’s not there yet. Should you:
A. Panic
B. Start sweating profusely
C. Run out the door screaming
D. All of the above
Choose wisely.
Ok, time is up, the correct answer is E. None of the above. Hey, no fair, that wasn’t one of the choices.
Well, if you’ve been meditating every day, you should be enlightened enough to know that sometimes you have to think outside the box. Just one more benefit of meditating. Remember the old monk who carried the woman across the stream? You thought that was just a story about not attaching, but it was also a story about not getting stuck in a rut, allowing yourself to live in the moment and act with compassion in that moment.
Be flexible.
I’m really getting off track here. Ok, you’re on time, she’s late. What do you do? Come on, Zen boy.
Picture yourself at the restaurant. It’s filled with people.
Maybe there’s even a bar. Maybe there’s a cute hostess.
Maybe there’s a table full of interesting women. If there’s anyone who still hasn’t figured out the answer raise your hand.
Yes, you talk to people. You can talk to women, men, couples, whoever you want. Why? Two reasons.
First, it will keep you from sitting there stewing and worrying and sweating because you’ll be too busy having fun. Second, when she finally does walk in, instead of seeing you slumped over your fifth margarita she’ll see you being lively and fun and social. She might even have to go steal you away from a group of women.
Hey, let them all fight over you.
Remember your abundance mindset. Even if she never shows up at all, you should still be able to have a great time. Then when she calls to apologize later, you can honestly tell her, “I was sorry you didn’t make it, but I ended up having a great time anyway. Should we make plans for another time?”
Is the light bulb clicking on yet? Here is what happened. You are now Superman. You can walk into any situation and have a good time. You do not rely on any specific woman for you to feel good, confident, happy, and, well … super. You know that you have the super power to meet women everywhere. That is a very great power. Use it responsibly. And have fun.
Why venue change is stressful
A weird thing happens when you get together the first few times with someone new. Each time, you feel like whatever progress you made the last time has been cut in half if not more. You take a giant step back in rapport and have to start building it up again. Why is that? Well, there are lots of reasons. For one, people are not cartoon characters, they are people, subject to moods, emotions, and all manner of change. So the next time you see her, she’s not the same her you saw last time. Also, assuming you are getting together in a different place, that alone is enough to change the dynamic. Whatever you do, don’t let this throw you. I bring it up so you are prepared for it. It’s all part of the process.
So do you go back to square one? Sometimes, sadly, yes. But even if you feel like you’re just meeting for the first time, that feeling will go away much more quickly than it did on the actual first time. You’ll make faster progress, regain lost ground, and be back feeling comfortable again in no time.
Think about a good friend that moves away or travels abroad, so you don’t see them for months. Then they call up out of the blue, announcing they’ve returned. You get together and, there are a few moments of awkwardness. It’s just a human thing. Get used to it, and realize that feeling passes and things go back to normal.
This can actually be used to your advantage.
How? By doing a change of venue while you’re with her. Say you start at the coffee place, then go for a walk outside, then stop somewhere for lunch, then go to the beach. It’s like you’ve gone on four different dates.
Every time you take her to a new place, it will just build more comfort and a stronger bond. You’ll feel like you’ve known each other longer and have a history together. This helps you relax and be yourselves around each other. Cool, huh?
The next next meeting
Make sure that whenever one meeting ends, you are making plans for the next one. This avoids all manner of problems later on. You’ve built rapport, now is the time to bridge to the next meeting. Don’t wait for a phone call later in the week, when you’ll have to start from scratch before you get around to making plans.
One way to do this and escalate things at the same time is to say, “Hey, if we’re both free next weekend, maybe we should get together.” Make the plans, then say, “That’s gonna be a lot of fun. Till then, I’ll give you a kiss to remember me by.” Judging by her reaction, this could be a peck on the cheek, a kiss on the lips, or tongue gymnastics.
When you do get together the next time, there is no need to amp things up in terms of activities. In other words, if you ate at a greasy diner last time, you don’t have to go to “Chez Expenseev” tonight. The best activities are things you just happen to be doing anyway, so there isn’t so much pressure. So, if you’re going to the local car dump to look for a part you need on your ’78 Pinto, invite her to come with you. If you’re taking your dog to run around on the beach, ask if she wants to join you. I’m not suggesting you invite her to join you for every boring moment of your life. What I am suggesting is that you don’t need to do traditional “date” activities. Maybe you’re going shopping at a really cool Asian supermarket you heard about, or plan on going to a book reading at a local bookstore.
Whatever it is, it can be turned into a fun activity to be shared. Don’t get stuck in the restaurant, movie, bar rut. There are other things to do that will be more fun and less pressure.
Hey, this is easy!
At this point, it’s tempting to coast a little. Don’t do it.
Keep being a good listener. Keep relating to what she’s saying. Keep building rapport. You are building something special every time you’re with her. This never ends. If that sounds like work, see how it feels when you’re actually doing it. With the right woman, you’ll want to keep relating, you’ll want to know her better and better. It should be fun, but you should be putting your creative energy into it every time you’re together. Things will fizzle if you start taking her for granted. You need to keep this thing alive and growing, and that takes energy. But it’s worth the effort. The more you put in, the more you’ll get out. You could sit on your couch eating Hohos and watching TV, or you could be meeting the woman of your dreams and growing closer to her. Your choice.