Meeting women online
This is a vast topic, but I’m not going to spend much time on it. I think you’ll improve your skills much faster if you push yourself to meet women in the real world.
That said, a lot of women use online dating services to meet men. There’s no harm in putting your profile on a few of these and seeing what happens. If you choose to do this, I have a few quick tips.
When you create your online profile, don’t try to impress her. This is what every other guy is doing.
You want to stand out. Be a character. Create a profile that is an amped up version of yourself, without sounding like you’re bragging. If anything, the online profile is one place where coming off like a selfish jerk or like you’re trying to drive her away can be a good approach. Keep in mind, I’m not suggesting that you actually be a selfish jerk, that’s just the game you’re playing with your profile. Her reaction will be, is this guy for real? This negative approach will often get more responses than the more obvious bragging approach. If you don’t believe me, create two profiles, one that’s more straightforward and one that’s more of a caricature. See what really works.
If you don’t think you’re good looking enough to attract her with your photo, have a talented friend do a drawing of you and put that up for your picture. Or just do a stick figure. This will stand out among all the photos. It will catch her eye.
Online a fun teasing tone often works well.
Joking about some detail of her profile in a fun way will demonstrate that you’re not obsessed with making her like you. It shows an abundance mindset rather than a scarcity mindset.
And now the number one most important tip about meeting women online. Get things “offline” as soon as possible. You do not want to be emailing back and forth with her for the next year. You want to meet her in real life. To start, tell her to write you back at your real email address. You can say something like, “here’s my email. Write to me and tell me three things about yourself that would make me want to get to know you better.” Again, this shows that you aren’t desperate.
You’re the one seeing if she meets your qualifications, not the other way around.
Next, get her phone number. You can say, “I’m too busy to keep up with all my email, give me your phone number.” I discuss talking on the phone later in the book, but keep in mind that in this context you won’t have much history with her when you make the first phone call. It’s a good idea to have things to talk about before you call her.
Think about some funny or crazy thing that happened to you recently. Call her up and tell her about it. Then make plans to meet somewhere. You can throw a time constraint in there.
For example, “hey, I’m having fun talking but I have to go. We should continue this conversation at (local bar or diner). But I can only meet for 30 minutes … in case you turn out to be a psycho.” This obviously should be said in a playful way. You can leave off the last part if it doesn’t feel natural to the dynamic.
It’s a great idea to already have planned something to do after you meet with her. Some party you want to go to, or a gallery opening, or whatever.
Then after you’ve met her at the bar or diner and talked a while, you can say, “I was planning on doing (whatever) right now, you’re kind of cool, why don’t you tag along?”
Keep in mind, I’m not recommending this approach. I would much prefer that you meet women in real life and follow the steps I layout in this book for doing so. In fact, we’re about to get to approaching women in the real world in the next chapter. But for those who also want to explore the online world, these guidelines will substantially improve your chances of going from the virtual world to the real world, where you can make a real and meaningful connection.
Putting it all together
So we’re about to delve into what you say when you approach a woman, but first it was important to think about where and when it makes sense to approach. As you go through the rest of your day, look around you and notice which women seem approachable and which ones don’t. Why? Is it possible that some of the ones you deemed unapproachable actually could be approached at another time or place? If someone looks busy, is she really, or is she just killing time? Maybe she’d love to have a conversation instead of sitting around reading her magazine. You’ll never know unless you approach. And that’s what we’re about to do.
Assignment #7
Be aware of time, place, and whether the vibe is right for an approach.